Most individuals today depend on textual content messages as their principal type of communication; for some, the considered making a cellphone name is even scary. That mentioned, since a textual content can’t seize one’s physique language and nonverbal cues, it’s simple for sure messages to come back throughout as condescending or blatantly impolite.
“Condescension isn’t nearly phrases however making one other particular person really feel small,” mentioned Logan Jones, a licensed medical psychologist and founder at Clarity Therapy NYC. “Textual content messages really feel condescending when one particular person assumes superiority, implies incompetence, feels dismissive or [gives] pointless explanations.”
We spoke with licensed psychological well being professionals about widespread textual content messages you could not understand are condescending ― and the way to not take them personally must you be on the receiving finish. Right here’s what consultants say:
1. “Okay.”
We’ve all doubtless despatched this at the least as soon as, whether or not it was deliberately to somebody who aggravated us or once we merely didn’t really feel like answering.
Backside line: “It feels quick, dismissive, and passive aggressive and implies annoyance or disinterest as a result of it lacks any heat and engagement,” mentioned Lauren Palumbo, a licensed psychotherapist at Readability Remedy NYC.
2. A thumbs-up.
In keeping with Palumbo, merely “thumbs-upping” or “liking” a textual content message can really feel condescending in its personal proper, particularly should you simply shared a juicy or private story and have been hoping for a response that matches your vitality.
“Most of these reactions can cease conversational momentum lifeless in its tracks, making it clear that others aren’t focused on conserving it going, which might really feel disappointing and deflating,” she mentioned.
3. “No offense, however…”
You generally hear this throughout in-person dialog, and it goes over simply as poorly through textual content message, in response to Michele Leno, a psychologist and host at Mind Matters with Dr. Michele.
Regardless of the phrasing, the verbiage lets you realize that somebody is about to say one thing offensive and sure impolite, too. “In such instances, being direct is much less condescending,” Leno mentioned.
4. “Google it.”
Who hasn’t texted their mates nervous a few well being ailment? Though largely all the things could be discovered on Google with a fast search, you don’t need to inform somebody to “Google it” since that may come off as extraordinarily condescending.
“Few issues shut down a dialog quicker than this as a result of it’s dismissive and exhibits that somebody’s curiosity or isn’t value your time or vitality,” Jones mentioned.
5. “You all the time do that.”
It may be onerous to successfully talk by textual content messages, and lobbing accusatory, blanket “all the time” or “by no means” statements like this could prohibit extra significant dialog. It’s additionally troublesome to defend over textual content, in response to Jones.
“That is hyperbolic, accusatory and a entice,” Jones mentioned. “Saying one thing like this turns your minor frustration into portray somebody as having a personality flaw and trapping them in a sample they will’t simply defend in opposition to through textual content.”
6. “I informed you so.”
Listening to this doesn’t get simpler irrespective of how previous you might be ― particularly when it’s over textual content. It’s onerous to glean any type of care or nuance when it’s written out, so it feels extra smug than something.
“Saying ‘I informed you so’ affords nothing however low-cost and fast self-satisfaction on the expense of another person’s harm emotions,” Jones mentioned.
7. “Yikes.”
In keeping with Palumbo, “yikes” can really feel condescending and judgmental, particularly if there’s no elaboration. “It sends the message that no matter was shared was embarrassing, flawed or cringeworthy,” she mentioned.
Tim Robberts through Getty Pictures
How are you going to make textual content messages sound much less condescending?
Only a few folks need to deliberately ship impolite or off-putting texts. If you wish to talk extra successfully and never sound condescending, listed here are some therapist-approved tricks to get you began:
Don’t make assumptions.
Leno advisable utilizing impartial language should you’re seeking to sound much less condescending. “For instance, ‘I’m accessible to assist if wanted’ is best than, ‘It appears to be like such as you need assistance.’”
Use emotive and clarifying language.
Jones recommended utilizing extra emotive and clarifying language in an try to make textual content messages come throughout as much less condescending. “A easy ‘haha’ or ‘I see what you imply, *smiley face*’ could make an enormous distinction,” he mentioned.
Name them as a substitute.
Michelle English, a licensed medical social employee and govt medical supervisor at Wholesome Life Restoration, advisable participating in additional direct communication. “Give them a name or hop on a video chat to clear issues up,” she mentioned. “Direct communication is all the time one of the best ways to bridge any misunderstandings.”
Plus, should you’re on a video name, you may see physique language and different nonverbal cues that may assist with efficient communication.
On the finish of the day, condescending textual content messages could be irritating to navigate since they typically lead us to query our personal intelligence and value.
That mentioned, individuals who ship condescending textual content messages may not understand they’re doing it. A little bit grace ― and a few punctuation adjustments ― can go a good distance.
